You Weren't There

You weren't there when I was born

Which was fine then 

Because I didn't know the difference. 

But you weren't there when I was 1

And a monster came into my life

To take your place. 

You weren't there the first time it happened 

To rip through him

With protective claws. 

You weren't there when he adopted me

Changing my last name 

To claim ownership of me. 

You weren't there when I started screaming

To let the world know he was a monster 

But no one listened. 

You weren't there when I was bullied at school 

By the kids and the teachers

And nowhere was safe.

You weren't there when I had trouble with speech

Or writing as fast as the other kids

Or when I was yelled at in front of my class

You weren't there when I was forced to visit

To keep my sister safe from the monster

Though I was a child myself. 

You weren't there when I was encouraged

To be best friends with a girl who would hurt me 

Just because of proximity.

You weren't there when I got my first boyfriend 

Who was manipulative and abusive 

In every way.

You weren't there when I finally had friends 

And a boyfriend I could trust 

But had to be locked in my room constantly.  

You weren't there the first time 

I got my heart broken 

And never felt more alone. 

You weren't there when I left for college.

When my family was pulled apart again.

And no one bothered to check in.  

You weren't there when my mother

Was too obsessed with her new boyfriend 

To see the maggots in the bathroom. 

You weren't there when I had to go home 

Every weekend to check on my sister 

And make sure she was safe.

You showed up when I was 19.

But it was too late. 

I was already shattered. 

You made promises 

We both knew you couldn't keep .

Showed up for some big things though. 

But when I finally started to trust 

You were actually here,

You left again.  

I used to tell you I don't blame you.

But I do.  

You should have been there to protect me. 

My mother 

Should have too. 

But she just made things worse.   

No one was there, not really. 

Alone from the moment I took my first breath

And I'll feel alone for the rest of my life. 

Because you couldn't bother

To be there,

To save me. 

You weren't there 

And you believe it was for the best

But you're wrong.