Writing Workshop 10/1 - Free Writing

 Who is to say what is more useful or what feeds us best? -Praise Song, Elaine Handley

Since, I have become unable to work, I have asked myself this a lot.  The government loves to treat me and other disabled people like we are laying around and eating bon bons all day and catching up on General Hospital.  Um, no.  I'm doing whatever it takes to survive, advocating for myself and others, volunteering, making art, writing, researching.  I have done more for society since I stopped working than I ever did when I was working.  

Since I stopped working, I started a nonprofit organization.  I organized a global campaign for rabbits during Easter.  I spoke a major conferences.  I got a masters degree with honors.  Most importantly, I learned how to slow down and take care of myself.  

I was never allowed to think about myself growing up.  I always had the purpose of needing to please and protect others.  My worth was nothing.  But I have found people who find me worthy.  And better than that, I have found myself worthy. 

So now, I mostly fight for me and others like me.  I am disabled but I'm also an activist.  I'm also a volunteer.  I'm also a board member.  I also help others feel safe to share their worlds.  I also make art that people connect with.  I also am a wife.  I also am a dog / rabbit mom.  I also am me. 

My disability doesn't define if I can give to the world and in a way I'm grateful for it because it made me realize how much I need to give to myself.  How important I am.  How I don't need to prove myself.  How to love myself the way I am. 

I'm not saying that there's not days I don't regress and hate my life and myself.  That's the complex ptsd talking, though.  Not the real me.  The real me loves myself and wants what's best for me and the world around me. 

Bottom line is no one is allowed to tell me my worth ever again.  No one has the right to make me feel unworthy or inept.  I am not letting others bring me down anymore.  Not even the government and society.  Because yes, I am disabled but I am smart and passionate and driven and I can do so much more than you could ever imagine.  Don't underestimate me or other disabled people or what we are capable of.