Daze

I've been so tired recently.  I can't stay up longer than 2-3 hours at a time. My sleep schedule is nuts.  It's 3:20 AM.  I spend my waking hours in a haze.  I can't focus on TV.  Reading is getting more difficult every day.  Just looking at my phone at all is difficult.  I haven't picked up a paint brush in over a month.  It's so depressing. Like, what am I even living for at this point? An hour a day I can talk to my husband? Maybe a half hour with my bunny on my chair?  I love them but that's not enough.  I miss excitement and passion and adventure.  I know I sound like a vampire diaries quote but I do.  Life as it is now has no meaning for me.  It's barely a life.  I keep trying to have hope it'll get better but it's such a struggle.  I often live in my head in the past when life was good because right now it's just unbearable.  And now my eyes are wanting to close again.