The guilt is suffocating

 I keep having to come first. I am sicker and more severe so I keep having to come first. I hate it and I feel like I'm just selfish and not giving the person I love the most the things he needs. I feel like such a burden it hurts. My rational mind knows if that if he was unhappy he would leave but my irrational mind is just so guilty and depressed and shameful and I feel pain in my chest from it. I worry others judge me for this behavior. I'm not choosing this but I'm still guilty.