😵

A lot of people keep asking me how I wrote a book which worries me with my disability hearing coming up and the decision. Are they going to think that I just sat down and wrote 150 pages in one day? I mean I used to do that when I was in my master's program and not so sick but I can't do that now. The reason why I was able to write this book is because I blogged as if it was my journal throughout the entirety of my first year in Indianapolis and I still do it today. It's not that hard to copy and paste blog posts over a period of a year and a half and ask other people to edit it for you or use grammarly to edit mistakes. It literally takes nothing. 

And, I made a list of my diagnosis and symptoms that I'll probably forget to say when I am in the meeting because of brain fog and I didn't want to miss anything. My attorney said if I were to use it, the judge would think I could work. How would this basic document prove I can work? She doesn't know how long it took me to write or who helped me or if I used AI or how exhausted I am now after I did it. 

Another thing that really irked me is that the attorney asked me what my pain scale is from 1 to 10. I hate this question because everybody is different and I don't know how this can give any kind of indication to the type of pain people are in. He said 10 would be the hospital. Well, if going to the hospital didn't make me sick in every other way, I would be there every single day to get a shot for pain. So, I said 10 and he's like well the judge will think you're exaggerating because if I ask a question and you say 10 you better be calling from the hospital. I think that's really f****** stupid.

I'm too sick to visit a hospital. How am I not too sick for getting disability because I can make a list of what I'm constantly experiencing.