What Estrangement Has Taught Me

 My mother and I have not spoken in two years as of March 1st.  

If you follow my blog, you know this was supposed to be temporary but turned permanent when my entire family for some reason stopped speaking to me because of this.  Seriously, if you read the text I sent for some space, you would be astonished by how they acted.  

I am still grieving the losses but I think I'm in a better place. 

Anyway, here are some things I learned in the last two years from this experience: 

-People either get why you cut contact or they do not.  No, I am not reaching out to the people who were abusive and were silent when I was suffering most to "forgive" them.  

-Watch out for those trying to get information to pass on, rather than actually wanting to be around.  If they say they do not want to be in the middle but are putting themselves there anyway, RUN. 

-You will lose more people than you expect to.  

-The true colors of people come out in times of survival.  

-I make pretty good decisions for the most part.  Sure, there have been some mistakes but I always rectify them.  My mother is actually the terrible decision-maker and yet she wanted me to do everything she advised.  Ironic.  

-I can grieve however I need to and for as long as I need to. 

-People appreciate me for just existing.  I do not have to people please to earn love. 

-Even if you have done everything beyond what a child should ever do for your parent, if they are narcissists, this sentiment will not be reciprocated.  It does not matter how bad of a place you are in. 

-Strangers can be kinder than family. 

-So much healing can be done through art. 

-I am loved by the people who matter. 

-Forgiveness is not the only path towards healing. 

-Trauma can make you very, very sick. 

-Silence can be deafening. 

-I deserve the right to tell my story as much as I want to.  Especially after all the years my story was diminished by others. 

-I am resourceful and resilient and I do not need fake love to sustain me. 

-Anger is part of grief because it makes you feel like you have some power over the situation.  News flash: you don't.  

-I will never understand how family can abandon family under extreme circumstances involving homelessness, serious illness, and food insecurity.

-I will never understand the people who say this is something to forgive when no one from the family even tried to ask for forgiveness.  

-Despite the trauma and illness, my life is more peaceful without toxic people in it. 

-Narcissist family dynamics are almost the same in every family with a narcissist.  

-I do not need outside validation to be whole.