If you asked me about my mom...

I would tell you that what I wanted most in life was her unconditional love and acceptance of who I was. how I never felt that from her. how when I got sick and was about to become evicted, I asked to live with her and she told me no and figure it out and that I'm not disabled, despite the fact I couldn't get out of bed and do anything anymore. how she told me I just didn't want to work and conned the student loan people into forgiveness. how she said she would never take care of me if I lost my husband. how she would make jokes about parts of my illness that were sensitive. and how it cut me into pieces every time these things happened but I kept hoping for that love. but eventually I realized she is incapable of that kind of love and I couldn't settle for less. it was too painful. so, I cut contact. we haven't spoken in over a year. I was homeless and extremely severe and stuck in a state where I knew no one and she nor anyone else in my family even bothered to see how I was feeling. I see her true colors now but, if you ask me to go even deeper, I would tell you I miss her like my breath was taken from me but after everything I could never go back and I don't regret cutting contact at all. I could teach Jordan Sparks how to breathe with no air.