Rabbits

I was reading a book on generational trauma a couple weeks ago. It was saying that if your birth mother or even your genetic grandmother had trauma while pregnant, you are more at risk for being an anxious person. Both my grandmother and my mother had significant trauma while pregnant. I was set up for it early on. 

I think this is what I love rabbits so much. I relate to them. They are born anxious wrecks only not from generational trauma, as far as we know, but because they are prey animals.  Being overly cautious keeps them safe.  Being overly cautious kept me safe when I was growing up. 

I love watching my rabbits when they're in new environments. They are always inspecting, so cautiously. They need to make sure every centimeter of the space is safe. If they don't feel safe, they stay hidden. 

I'm the same way to this day. I never feel fully safe. I never fully trust. It's something I've been working on my whole life but I don't think I've gotten any closer to getting rid of it. 

I think I'm going to quit therapy. It just doesn't do anything and I'm exhausted every time. I'm going to try doing somatic therapy exercises I find online and in this book I got too long ago that I never opened. I'm going to continue doing art and just be happy with the process and not worry about the product. I'm going to remind myself constantly that I am safe and I don't need protection from my body anymore. 

As much as I love rabbits, I definitely don't want to relate to them in the way of being on edge constantly. I don't want that life.  

And I'll make sure I will heal somehow and even if I don't, the generational trauma stops with me. I am not having children, therefore, they will not suffer due to my trauma or any kind of trauma I put into their lives. 

I wonder if rabbits learned about generational trauma somehow if they would learn how to not be so cautious. Would they heal?