Rant from Yesterday

Just me and my dog sitting in my car while my husband begs for rental assistance. 

 We typically don't have to come because I had a doctor's note saying I was housebound but apparently according to them they need it renewed every 6 months. And they failed to tell us this until around 11:00 a.m. and it is now 1:00 p.m. I don't know how long this is going to take.

 I've used all five of my pace points through visible already today. I used up one and a half points just getting dressed and then I had to lay on my recliner for a long time to get going.

 This is all just so I can sign an application for rental help. I don't see why I have to sign it. We're married obviously. It's just ridiculous and I know like they're doing a good thing by helping but it's like they make these things impossible on purpose and it pisses me off. My husband said when he was there earlier at 8:00 a.m., there was a man there whose wife died two days ago who had to go in for assistance. 2 days of grieving and then he's back to this b*******. My husband said he was a senior and his wife was sick for a long time. 

It makes me sick how the system works. I don't understand why people who need it need to jump through all these crazy hoops. And, we sign a paper every month saying that like once I get Social security, the checks will pay them back anyway. I don't see the freaking issue here. 

And now I'm in pain and exhausted and so hungry.

 We're probably going to not be able to pick up our food pantry order because we have to be there in a half hour and my husband still inside and I'm just really pissed.

 I wish I knew about like how unjust the system really was before I got sick so I could have fought against it. I guess I had an idea but like you really don't know until you're like deep in it. And like it's a full-time job. 

My husband barely gets paid anything for caregiving from Medicaid here and he has to do it basically non-stop from like 8:00 a.m. to 12:00 a.m. every single day and he gets no breaks and when he's not like taking care of me he's trying to figure out how to keep a roof over our heads. Always filling out paperwork and trying to figure crap out.

 Some people have seriously asked him if he's going to get a job. How is he supposed to work when he only has like 6 hours of sleep if that?! It's just insanity. Not to mention he's having disability issues himself recently and is now applying for SSDI. 

 It's just such a freaking headache. I love the people who are like you're just lazy and don't want to work. It's more like you are lazy because you're working because it takes so much more effort to survive without a job than with a job. I wish so badly I could go back to work. I would give almost anything.